They say that two’s company and three’s a crowd, but how true is that statement? Bringing new things into the bedroom is a great way to keep sex interesting. But what about bringing new people instead? Whether it’s a few adventurous people or an oh-so-curious couple, being invited to a threesome has become increasingly common. Many have watched “Challengers” and want to play, though is the court really big enough for three?
Picture this: you’ve been talking to someone for a while and can confidently say you’ve reached “friends with benefits” status. It’s late, and you’re texting each other, planning your next hangout. Then, all of a sudden, they pop the audacious question:
“How would you feel about a third?”
Having a third in the mix isn’t a revolutionary idea. Sex with more than one person has been recorded since the ancient Greeks were getting freaky in their temples. But, for a while, such a thing was considered taboo — an act of sexual deviancy, if you will.
Lately people have become more open to all things sex, and that’s partially due to representation of intimacy of all kinds across the media. For threesomes, Luca Guadagnino’s “Challengers” movie, starring Zendaya, brought the act into the limelight.
Whether it was pairing the movie’s fast-paced soundtrack with any picture of a pop culture trio or some resurfacing fantasies about old hookups, the movie got people talking about how a trip to the Eiffel Tower might be worth it.
“I never really thought about being in a threesome, but the movie did make me interested enough to try,” remarked a current UM senior who we will refer to as Art for privacy.
“If I’m attracted to both [of the people], how bad could it be?” said Art. When asked about his first time Art said, “It was weird at first but after a while you just stop thinking about it.”
However, how does one go about getting the invite? Do you ask separately, or do you create a group chat? Apparently, it’s not that deep.
“I was invited to my first threesome. Some guy I was talking to at the time just asked ‘hey would you mind if a friend of mine came over too?’ He was hot so of course I said yes,” said Art. “There was no big proposition about it, just an ask, and when I went over, there were three people on the bed instead of two.”
A junior in college, who we will call Tashi in this article, has been the one to extend the invitation and has similar opinions.
“Being very formal about it can make it weird. I asked a guy if this other girl I know could join us. When he said yes, I started it off like I would text any other hookup,” said Tashi.
Now, getting the party together is only half the battle. For someone new to this matchup, what are the rules? There’s no handbook and no chess clock either. House rules only.
“I try not to think about it much, but when I am in a threesome, I’d keep a mental note to give both people an equal amount of time,” said Tashi. “I wasn’t counting the seconds in my head.”
“When we started I just kinda stood there and they both started kissing me,” said Art. “I just let them take the lead on things. I had no clue what I was doing anyway. Did end up enjoying it, though, once I got used to it.”
“Knowing the other person does make things a lot easier. My first threesome I hooked up with both of the people before, so it made things way less awkward,” said Tashi.
While seemingly receiving glowing reviews, not everyone has had such an easy experience when adding a third. Another UM senior, who we will call Patrick in this article, has conflicting feelings about it.
“There is always one out of the two I like more … I start to almost ignore the other person,” said Patrick.
Art shared something similar. “I already knew one of the guys, so I felt more comfortable interacting with him during it. It was hard to open myself up to them while also focusing on other things.”
On paper, a threesome might seem better. Two is greater than three, and double the sexual partners means double the fun, right? However, it seems three might actually be a crowd.
“It was a good time, but looking back at it, I don’t think I would do it again,” said Art. “It felt like just sex for the sake of sex. And, yeah, that’s all a hookup is. But if I’m hooking up with one guy, I can have the delusion we might keep talking afterwards. In a threesome, you’re too busy making sure everyone’s having a good time to think that.”
Patrick agreed. “Having more than one person was a lot for me. I already have to hype myself up whenever I go [hook up] with just one person.”
What also plays a big part in both of their hesitance to join one again links back to their romantic preference.
“I’m not [polyamorous] so while I’ve been attracted to multiple people at once, I haven’t wanted to be with more than one of them at a time,” said Patrick. “I just like devoting my time to one person, even if it’s a hookup. Not the healthiest thing in the world but because of that [threesomes] just aren’t my thing.”
“I would be open to the idea of becoming the third in someone’s relationship,” said Art. “Though I’d have to know both people well first. And it would have to be as an actual partner, not just an on-call threesome partner.
Spicing things up in the bedroom isn’t for everyone’s palate. Even if it’s vanilla, having someone else on the table — or under it — can be a lot. Though, if you’re willing to venture into threesomes, it’s good to at least get your bearings on the concept.
Keep in mind what you’re personally looking for. If you want to settle down, it might not be the best choice, but just looking for some quick fun, go right on.
Tashi put it best: “very rarely anything comes out of a threesome, but at least you might leave with a good story.”
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This article was published in Distraction’s Fall 2024 print issue.
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