No matter what day of the week it is, it’s never too early to plan for your weekly trip to Monty’s on Friday afternoon. As college students, we set priorities, but going to happy hour is the best way to unwind after a stressful week. Here, the 10 stages everyone inevitably goes through at Monty’s Raw Bar.
1. When it’s halfway through happy hour and the place is still empty. It’s 6 p.m. Happy hour started two hours ago, so why is this place dead? What’s the hype about Monty’s if no one is here? Also, why are there families here if they know a monsoon of college students are about to invade? At least the drinks are cheap.
2. All of a sudden there are too many people and your table has no space to devour its brick of fries. A parade could’ve come through here twenty minutes ago and now you can’t even see the bar from where you’re sitting. The clientele? Everyone you just saw at school, and no one knows whether to really greet every single person because ehh… that’ll take too long.
3. You’re not sure whether you should sit, dance, stand by the bar, go inside, walk to the bathroom one more time or stay at your table (or a combination of all of these). Monty’s becomes a watering hole for all your friends, and their friends, and their friends. You are inevitably bound to meet someone new or (more often than not) run into someone you don’t want to see. Miami can be a small city sometimes, and so can Monty’s. The result? You, trying to decide if you want to go to the bar to find that cutie you made eye contact with, or stay with your squad and snapchat the cute old guy dancing by the band. So. Many. Possibilities.
4. Feeling like a mentor to the freshmen who are there for the first time. Even if you only went to Monty’s one other time, you feel way cooler than those who haven’t gone before. You know what to order, which table to sit at for the best ocean view and what time you should officially dip to head out for the main event of the night (a.k.a: the Grove, Brickell, SoBe or Wynwood). Your ego goes up for a few hours because you’re ~in your element~, and no, it’s not just the Goombasmash in your hand.
5. Slightly judging what everyone is wearing because even though there is no dress code for the place, there kind of is. Those who just got out of work are still wearing their ties or professional heels. We’ll forgive them, they deserve the drink. The girls using Monty’s as a pregame for Brickell are probably wearing mile high heels, a backless shirt and tiny shorts or skirts. We’ll wish them luck for the night as they’ll later stumble into an Uber. Those who just came to have a chill, late afternoon are usually in shorts, sandals and a t-shirt or blouse.
6. Not being able to decide on what drink will be on your Snapchat story for the evening. Whether you want a fruity Miami Vice, a strong Signature drink, the deathly PK3 or the unknown Goombasmash, it’s going to end up on everyone’s Snapchat story. The picture features an empty Monty’s cup, surrounded by more empty cups, and the caption most likely reads, ‘I’m home,’ or ‘Monty’s –insert emoji-‘ followed by tipsy selfies with those you came with or the new friends you made.
7. The question of the night: do we go dance, or not? The music is good but the dance floor is awkward. Still, there will always be that one group to break the ice, circle it out with their friends and give everyone else the go-ahead to join in. Bonus tip: the music sometimes gets better long after happy hour. If you really love dancing, it’s not hard to find a partner who is jamming as hard as you are.
8. The 7:55 rush. Happy hour is over in five minutes, so naturally, that’s when you and your crew are going to put in your last drink order. Sure, you feel kind of bad that the waiter’s and bartender’s jobs just got that much more difficult, but it’s Friday and the week was rough and you just- you need it, okay?! BUT, for the times that you doubt your own rush-hour ordering abilities, there’s always that one bartender working the bar inside that is only doing PK3’s and you sure as hell order it, even if that’s not what you really wanted. All for the sake of having one more $5 drink.
9. Figuring out what’s going on for the rest of the night. Go home? Stay at Monty’s? Find the next turn up? It’s as difficult as making plans on a group chat, especially when everyone says, “I don’t care where we go!” There’s always that one person that’s too tired from the week and wants to go home, the one that had too much to drink and wants to stay and dance, or the one that treated Monty’s as a pre-game and is ready to take on the rest of then night. Regardless, the happy hour was good to you and it’s time you move on with your Friday night.
10. Post-Monty’s feelings of happiness/embarrassment and, of course, already making plans for next week. Whether you had a fabulous time or not, there’s no doubt that Monty’s will be included in next Friday night’s plans. Until then, you’ll go to class. You’ll ace your exams. You’ll go to the Rat for the grilled cheese specials and remind yourself to go to Gutts-N-Butts to sweat it off. And the week will grudgingly pass by as you dream of your next Miami Vice. See you next happy hour!
Alina Zerpa is a junior majoring in journalism and psychology, a major Oreo enthusiast, and spends way too much time on Tumblr.
words_ alina zerpa