A Guide to Navigating a Sweet but Sticky Summer Romance
As the swallowing Miami humidity crawls back onto campus, students are signaled that the semester will soon come to a close. However, romantic antics are commonly carried on into the summer months. College kids find themselves wanting to fill their summer freedom with a light and airy attachment. Despite a “summer fling” sounding good on paper, a laissez-faire relationship can still be overwhelming and possibly leave you heartbroken. If you find yourself interested in exploring a summer fling but don’t know what exactly to expect, don’t fret, we’re here to guide you through all things summa-lovin’.
If you’re looking for a hassle-free hobby to keep you cool this summer session, we’ve got just the prescription for you. Meet the “summer fling”: a casual commitment that happens in the warmer months away from school.
Side effects include an inevitable end and possibly wasted potential.
Summer flings have similar characteristics to most “normal” relationships, but the one thing that sets them apart is their inevitable expiration dates. Whether you want to admit it or not, your fling will more than likely end as soon as you pack away the sunscreen and beach towels for the final time.
Summer flings are meant to be an escape from reality. When else can you fool around with an old fling from home, knock boots with a charming French beau while abroad or spark an interest with a new coworker, and not have to worry about what the future holds? By heading into a summer fling, you are guaranteed to be able enjoy yourself and your partner – at least for the time being.
In most cases, summer lovers go their own ways due to physical distance or a return to the regularly scheduled program. When summer vacation has ended and you’re cramming everything you need for school back into IKEA bags, it’s important to note that your summer fling probably won’t fit.
Don’t worry though, you can leave your summer fling behind without much guilt, since chances are, they knew the relationship was born to die. Most couples involved in summer flings are satisfied with the terms of their relationship and have been prepared for the end, so when it is time to call it quits, the transition back to normal life doesn’t leave them totally crushed.
One anonymous student — who this article will refer to as Janet — said, “Summer flings are relationships that end due to a lack of convenience.”
If your summer boo isn’t in your area code anymore, why carry on with a relationship that was lax to begin with?
Allow yourself to express how you feel when you feel it. It might sound hard, but don’t allow the fact that your summer fling’s end might be just around the corner to discourage you from divulging your thoughts, feelings or concerns. It’s also important to allow your partner to feel that they can freely speak their mind, so create a comfortable space between you and your partner that encourages them to be open.
Dr. Brian Doss, a UM professor of psychology who teaches a course on romantic relations, emphasizes that communication is key for every relationship, no matter how lax or serious.
“I think just being clear about what you’re looking for and what your partner is looking for,” Dr. Doss said.
There are no cutting corners when it comes to love, no matter how long that romantic flame is meant to burn. By making communication a key part of your summer fling, you’re automatically increasing the chances that the relationship is as beneficial as possible for both involved.
Who to Choose
Summer flings can be adventurous and spontaneous. For a touch of spontaneity in your summer intrigue, Distraction suggests picking a partner different than your usual type. Spice up your summer and fuel that desire to take risks by trying something — or someone — new.
That being said, be careful when selecting your summer partner, because even if someone is a blast to be around, if they aren’t a good person deep down, it’s not worth it. A red flag is a red flag. Don’t let the summer heat leave your judgements in a daze because even if a partner is meant to be temporary, you still deserve the best treatment possible.
Having someone around for the summertime isn’t worth it if they don’t treat you right, even if they are Jacob Elordi-level hot. Trust me, you’d rather be a little lonely over summer break than end up in a “Saltburn” sequel.
The summer fling can get a bad rap because of its common connotation with hook up culture. Most summer flings find themselves falling into the “situationship” category due to the lack of a title and true commitment.
But just because a fling is inherently less-involved than other long-term romantic endeavors, that doesn’t mean it needs to be solely sex-focused. You can have a temporary romance and still feel like the fling isn’t a “situationship” at its core.
It all goes back to communication and avoiding making assumptions about the relationship. If you don’t want your summer fling to meet your mom, that’s fine, just make that known by setting expectations. From the jump, it shouldn’t be too hard to catch a vibe on whether your summer fling will consist of public outings or is deemed to revolve around late night rendezvous. But as always, its best to communicate with your party on these sometimes-sticky details.
Why fling?
The summer fling is the perfect option for someone who wants a steamy summer break without having to put in a lot of energy into a relationship. Despite the summer fling being a temporary engagement, you can still gain from the experience.
Through the fling process, you can work on skills that more-intense relationships require and even get to know yourself a little better as well. This can’t be achieved though without being self-aware from the start. Know who you are as a partner and how you manage your emotions because summer flings are not made for the faint of heart.
The anonymous student interviewee, Janet, said, “I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re someone who is going to get very, very attached.” Don’t go looking for a summer boo if you can’t handle the fact that when the summer ends, so does the relationship.
Take the Summer Fling for a Swing
If you’re someone who seeks solace in not having everything meticulously mapped out, but still want to have a little cheeky fun this break, consider a summer fling.
Flirt with that cutie you were always too scared to talk to in high school. Ask your fellow intern to grab drinks after work. Go for your friend’s cousin who is only in town for two months. Find a new interim bae to name drop in your diary however you can. Or don’t. After all, your “hot girl summer” is what you make of it.
words_remi turner. illustration&design_marita gavioti.
This article was published in Distraction’s Summer 2024 print issue.
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