Let’s put this bluntly: life can sometimes suck. It can suck more than sometimes. Even this summer’s “Barbie” movie showed that life can be painfully imperfect even in a perfect, pink world. Nonetheless, the lows of life must occur for us to cherish the highs. What if we told you the lows are more worth taking advantage of than the highs? Sadness is often inevitable, but what comes from your sadness might be exactly what you needed all along.
Despite what you might assume, especially in a city as bustling and exciting as Miami, nobody is perfect. The silver lining is that growth can come from these blues even if you think you’re at your lowest. The following University of Miami students shared stories of grief, angst, defeat and depression with Distraction and how their situations changed them for the better.
Breakups
No matter the length of the relationship, or whether the split was amicable or messy, breakups can leave both parties in pain. The pain may not hit immediately, but the sooner you accept the circumstances, the sooner you can start your journey of healing and becoming independent.
Chloe Hatcher, a UM junior majoring in media management and public relations, recently ended a two-year relationship. While the length of the relationship made the circumstances more difficult to deal with, she realized that breakups are a completely different ballgame when experiencing one as opposed to seeing others’ pain as they recover.
“From an outside perspective, it’s easier to detach and look at the problem realistically, but when you’re in the middle of it, it can be hard to separate your feelings from what you should be doing,” said Hatcher.
When in pain, all you want is for it to end. However, grief knows how to test you for the better because, despite what it seems at the time, good things will eventually come your way. In a situation like a breakup, it means you’re one step closer to eventually finding either the one for you or someone who will be good for you at that particular time.
Not only did Hatcher learn the typical independence skills that come from separating from a significant other, but she “learned to wait and sit in the uncomfortable presence until it’s not so uncomfortable anymore.”
Bullying
Nobody forgets middle school. It’s arguably the most awkward time of your life — we don’t need to go into those details — and among the awkwardness, it was also a battleground of schoolyard bullying.
Whether you were the bully, the bullied, or watched it all go down, these moments etch themselves in your mind. The mark has yet to fade for sophomore Connor Schinski.
“I used to cry every day to the counselor and call my mom to pick me up because I couldn’t stand the anxiety and hate from others at my school because they thought I was ‘different,’” said Schinski. “I was isolated from the typical things that a growing boy should experience.”
Like Hatcher, Schinski learned a great deal of independence from this isolation. Although he believes having a support system is important, he also knows that being dependent on yourself more than others is vital.
“[Depending on myself] has made my problems and stresses a lot easier to manage and for me to not worry about people’s opinions as much. Being forced to be independent and rely on myself has severely boosted my problem-solving, organizational and creative sides,” said Schinski. “I used to be unmotivated in various things and procrastinate, but now I use work and effort as a form of therapy and stress relief.”
Injury
Our physical well-being goes hand-in-hand with our emotional well-being. In high school, junior Reese Putnam was an avid cross-country runner whose running career ended sooner than expected when she was T-boned in her car on the way to practice. An MRI later revealed the accident caused herniated discs in her neck, meaning she would not be allowed to participate in her senior year season.
“The tears started rolling, and I just kept saying, ‘so no more cross county.’ I was heartbroken,” said Putnam.
Putnam continued to support her teammates and friends from the sidelines when she could not participate and decided to start taking photos of the cross-country meets for the school yearbook. Today, Putnam has her own photography business and covers the Miami Hurricanes football, soccer, baseball, volleyball and men’s and women’s basketball games. She even photographed rapper Flo Rida when he spoke to the School of Arts & Sciences students in March 2023.
“I quickly learned that sports photography was something I loved and enjoyed doing. I like to say that without getting into a car accident, I probably wouldn’t have pursued photography as much as I do now,” said Putnam. “[The accident] truly has made me approach life with an “everything happens for a reason” mindset, and that maybe you just don’t know it yet.”
Death
You might avoid thinking about it until it affects you personally. There comes a point in life where the unsettling feeling around death kicks in — the feeling of someone being on earth and creating memories with them, and then one day they’re not.
A male student in the School of Arts & Sciences who wished to remain anonymous lost his grandmother two years ago, just two days before his 19th birthday.
“It was my first instance with death, and I think when you face something that is the hardest thing you ever face, it puts a lot of things in perspective for you,” said the anonymous student. “Do I wish it didn’t happen? Of course. But do I think I’ve learned an extreme amount since she’s died? One thousand percent.”
While this student’s grandmother lived until she was 94 years old, knowing she had a fulfilling life made the healing process a little easier.
“There will be nothing more difficult [to me] than what I experienced when I found out that she was gone. Your world will be put on an axis and shifted,” added the anonymous student.
Death is an untimely concept, no matter what age the person is when they pass. However, in coping with death, we must understand the difference between a long life and a whole life.
Sophomore Lindsay Pierce realized this when her best friend at UM, Brooke Ashley Roth, suddenly passed in March 2023. Roth died six days after her 20th birthday after complications with COVID-19 combined with a rare, life-long condition of Marfan Syndrome, a disorder that affects all connective tissue, most commonly in the heart.
In her lifetime, Roth would often say she “was just happy to be here.” Pierce lives by her late friend’s words and attains that she led a life worth living in only 20 years.
“I learned that everything we can do to make ourselves feel happy and fulfilled, we should,” said Pierce. “People always talk about living your life to the fullest and how short life is, but for me, it never really hit home until I lost my best friend.”
Since Roth’s passing, Pierce has turned her grief into growth, allowing herself not only to handle challenging situations with more grace and control but also to be a comfort to others who are also grieving a friend.
“I apply what Brooke would do in a lot of difficult situations because she was so level-headed, calm and comforting in a crisis. I have a lot of her in me now,” said Pierce.
College students are well obliged to “rallying” when it starts to get rough. While daily that applies more so to going out even if you’re hungover from the night before, it can also be applied to more personal situations. It’s okay to let yourself feel, but the only way to grow is to keep rallying and pushing through. After all, a star can’t shine without darkness.
Coping with Sadness
Not all solutions are permanent. Healing from sadness takes some patience. But for now, here are some temporary ways to cope with sadness.
- Taking a walk in the sun: While it’s not always easy to leave your home in times of sadness, staying cooped up inside will not do you any good. We’re in Miami, after all, and the sun’s Vitamin D encourages serotonin production.
- Pampering: We cannot encourage compulsive spending, but treating yourself to a mani-pedi or salon blowout every so often is not the worst thing in the world. And as always, ensure your sadness doesn’t get in the way of essential self-care. Look good, feel good.
- Furry friends: Pets like dogs, cats and bunnies are scientifically proven to increase feelings of calmness. Don’t have a pet of your own? Plenty of shelters in the Miami-Dade area allow visitors just for playing.
words_amanda mohamad. illustration&design_marita gavioti.
This article was published in Distraction’s Winter 2023 print issue.
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