No one could survive college without one essential. No, it’s not coffee or energy drinks: it’s gossip. As humans we can’t help it. It’s our natural instinct to want to know what’s going on, whether we realize it or not. And when you go to a school like the University of Miami, full of people from all different walks of life now mixed into a big city, the gossip is like no other.
Library Talk 
There is no better place to learn about who’s dating who or about the crazy fight from last night’s frat party than the library. It’s no secret that plenty of debriefs happen when groups gather in the library to “study” but never seem to get any work done. If you just so happen to turn your headphones off and pay attention, you might just hear some crazy confessions. Here are some that other students have overheard:
- “You can use my vape, but it’s tres leches. It’s like my sweet treat when I want to kill myself.”
- “They’re not pregnant, but they’re trying. Oh god, he’s going to be the worst father.”
- “She was fully wrapped around the pole and they were aggressively trying to pry her off of it.”
- “Nah, the TA is super chill. I asked them what they thought the answer was and they were like, ‘uhhh I think it’s B,’ and then I got 100% on the exam.”
Corner Deli Canoodling
Maybe don’t go as far as to eavesdrop, but sitting near someone having a loud conversation never hurt anyone. Well, it might not hurt you at least.
An anonymous source says one week at the Corner Deli in UM’s Shalala Student Center, they overheard a frat guy say that he gave a girl a lap dance and then “ended up staying the night because the dance was too good.” However, next week the same guy came into Corner Deli with, you guessed it, his long-distance, long-term girlfriend.
The next week, the frat guy was heard speaking yet again about the “lap dance girl” and how much he enjoyed hooking up with her. So be careful when you’re cheating on your long-term girlfriend in public. Cheaters, beware of where you discuss your infidelity. You might just so happen to be standing next to the same person in the Corner Deli line three weeks in a row.
Money, Money, Money:
No one is surprised that some people at UM have money — have you seen that $90K tuition? It’s the way that students talk about their experiences in public that can be shocking. On the first floor of the Richter Library, a student said, “I have really rich Mexican friends and I went out with them. One of them was telling everyone ‘my dad could buy this club.’” Another student overheard a conversation while walking to class in Dooly in which a student explained, “my mom bought me a Louis Vuitton but I don’t want it. I don’t want to have to be decked out in Louis all the time.”
It’s not always about material things though. Sometimes it’s the experiences that may seem mundane to them, but would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to most. For instance, just outside of the library, a student overheard a girl say, “I was thinking of going to California because Kylie Jenner’s ex invited me to visit him and is going to pay for all of it.”
Speaking of the Kardashians, another girl confessed to her friend inside the library: “I’m working in the paddock at the event. Everyone wanted to work there because it’s going to be like some Kardashians, Timothée Chalamet and other famous people.”
Nine Lives:
Multiple people have confessed to overhearing about the supposed “cat murderer.” back in 2023 after multiple of UM’s campus stray cats were found dead. If you haven’t heard, or just aren’t on Yik Yak, let me be the one to break the news: people had been saying that the stray cats you see around campus were slowly turning up dead… and it didn’t seem like it was from natural causes.
Soon word spread and everyone was gossiping about how there was possibly a student who was responsible for all these “murders.” No one knows if this is true, exaggerated, or just plain gossip. That’s all part of the fun though, never truly knowing how much of a story is real.
Am I Hearing That Right?
Sometimes you quite literally hear something. It may not be gossip, but it sure is gossip worthy. A student studying in the stacks tower of the library said they “heard two people actively having sex [in there].” Although they didn’t see them, based on the sounds, there was no mistaking what they were getting up to. 
Next time you have a free moment, walk around campus and try to catch the most interesting tidbits you can. You never know what you can learn about someone by just listening and being aware of your surroundings.
words_ lucy carlson-pietraszek. photo_valentina gomez. design_anna mondschein.
This article was published in Distraction’s Fall 2025 print issue.
Follow our Social Media:
