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My First Time: Confessions of a Rocky Horror Virgin

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On Thursday, I walked up to the Cosford Cinema like I was headed to an exam I had not studied for. I had no clue what I was getting myself into and I tried to think of any excuse not to go inside. Being branded in lipstick with the infamous scarlet letter V didn’t help soothe my nerves that much either. I had heard horror stories (no pun intended) about some of the sacrificial rituals Rocky Horror veterans force rookies to perform on their first night. So, with a shaky breath and a sudden resolve not to make a pathetic excuse of myself, I stepped into my first showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

QuantUM kicked off the unconventional evening with the Rocky Horror Pre-Show, which basically showed newcomers that there are no boundaries that cannot be crossed and no insecurities that cannot be unearthed and exposed. Hosts Tyler Felts and Andy Zike were more than ready to prove this through a series of extremely intimate icebreaker activities. Then, with a growing sense of foreboding, the “Horror Games” began. Fortunately, the first few games were voluntary, so with a wave a relief washing over me I sat back and watched the following craziness unfold.

Now, since I really shouldn’t give everything away, I will try to be discreet in describing these games.

The first game involved a phallic piece of fruit, a…glove, and a clever use of body parts. Think sex-ed class mixed with soft porn.

Next, a battle of tongues ensued that transformed into a freakin’ acrobatic performance.

Then, things seemed to go back to normal while we learned the time warp dance sequence. Surprisingly, the choreography was extremely easy and not at all explicit, minus the miniature pelvic thrusts.

It was exciting to learn one of the most timeless components of the show. However, the shift back to slight normalcy was short-lived and the audience was quickly catapulted back into the racy whirlwind of Rocky Horror with a few more additional activities.

What’s any event without a standard twerk-off? And occurring in only underwear? Classic.

Following that, audience members began rattling off some of their most creative cuss-word combinations. Most of them were too long to remember (and a little too X-rated to write in this article), but one insult that seemed to hit home was the word “Gator”. Man, I felt that one.

Next was an underwear-eating contest. Then, much to us newbies’ dismay, one horrified Horror Virgin was randomly selected for a steamy lap dance on stage.

And finally, to end the evening’s hazing experience, all of us Virgins had to “come” on stage.

…Yeah.

Basically, this pre-show was all over the place, and definitely emotionally prepared us for what we were about to witness: the raunchy, eccentric, and disturbing delirium that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Once again, I don’t want to spoil the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it; however, some of the highlights from the film viewing include: a neck-less narrator, a “slut”, an “asshole”, a “sweet transvestite”, repeated “elbow sex” and an audience who gave absolutely no f*cks concerning how far was too far.

It was especially entertaining to sit and listen to the repeated chants and rituals that occur throughout the movie. Also, the audacious commentary coming from audience members successfully added a sassy flair to the film and continuously made me laugh hysterically.

Honestly, with all the sacred rituals, loud profanity and blatant obsceneness, the Rocky Horror experience is basically a football game, but with fishnets, leopard Speedos and an epic, choreographed dance number.

Seriously, what’s not to love?

While not my typical cup of tea, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of Rocky Horror. Each moment was refreshingly unfamiliar and delightfully untamed.

QuantUM, Hurricane Productions (HP), and Cinematic Arts Commission (CAC), I tip my hot pink party hat to you and I await hearing the tales of future Horror Virgins with great antici…

words_rachel watkins. photo_mark cartier.

 

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