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Upon hearing the phrase “sausage beating,” most people would assume, well, we know what your dirty minds 
21-year-old Antonio Vasquez (the guy whose face takes up most of this page) of Fresno, Calif. was arrested in early September for allegedly breaking into a home and stealing $900. He then proceeded to beat one of the sleeping residents with an eight-inch sausage and rub hot seasoning in the face of another.
Post-beating, Vasquez fled the house, but not before taking off his shorts, which held his driver’s license, credit cards, and cell phone. So yeah, he was caught. Unfortunately, the weapon was never recovered. The dog ate it.