Roommate drama is a tale as old as time — moving in with a new roommate often starts sweetly, but things can turn sour at the drop of a hat. Passive aggressive text messages and dirty dishes often manifest into hostility and bitterness, ultimately creating a toxic living environment. Dealing with these living situations can be exhausting, but don’t worry — we can help you. Why move out when you can drive them away? Here are some ways to have your toxic roommate running for the hills. 

First things first: cleanliness — or lack thereof. Tidying  shared spaces is a public service, and you don’t owe your roommate anything. Why do anything that directly benefits the enemy? Next time you think of cleaning a pot or pan, slap yourself in the face. Don’t be a people pleaser; your roommate will reap the benefits of clean countertops and a fridge devoid of rotten food. Instead, you need to leave your mark. The countertops should be stained with every meal you’ve eaten this month. The kitchen sink should be clogged with food you didn’t wash off plates, and the bathroom sink should be clogged with your hair and toothpaste residue. If they don’t know your daily routine from the trails you’ve left on countertops, you’re doing something wrong.

You pay rent, so you reserve every right to claim territory within the apartment. How should you do this? Leave your belongings everywhere. The apartment is now your hamper. All your dirty clothes should be scattered across the living room furniture. Your dishes should occupy every inch of counter space so your roommate knows who’s boss. As for the fridge, don’t throw anything away — as you accrue more and more food, claim more and more fridge space for yourself. It’s only a matter of time before they have none.

Living with awful roommates can make you feel super alienated, but that doesn’t mean you must be alone. If you have a special someone, why not invite them over all the time? The more, the merrier. Whether they want to cook shirtless in your kitchen or have extreme PDA on the living room couch, why not let them come over all day, every day? Mi casa, su casa. Should your roomie have an issue with one of your guests, they can voice — or yell — their opinions toward them. You’re not responsible for their actions, so it’s not your problem.

On the topic of having company, why not invite your whole crew over for a couple of spontaneous, late-night powwows? Who cares what your roommate has to say about it? Just because it’s a Monday and your roommate has a midterm at 8 a.m. the next day, doesn’t mean you can’t host your nine closest friends for a game night in the living room until dawn. Let’s say game night goes too late, and they want to spend the night — let them. Again, this is just as much your space as it is your roommate’s, so if you want to endlessly blast music in the kitchen, who are they to stop you?

Do you struggle with confrontation? If you’re not quite ready to air your grievances to your roommate, just talk negatively to people who know them well. Don’t be shy. Call up some mutual friends, and don’t hold back. Don’t be afraid to list all of your roommate’s flaws and spare them no details. When doing this, be sure to exclude any parts of the story that make you look bad. 

Sometimes, we need some liquid courage to tell our roommates what’s really on our minds. There is no better time to unleash all that pent-up anger and frustration than when you get home from a night out. They’re sound asleep? Wake them up. This is important. Your feelings deserve to be heard, even if your speech is a bit slurred,

When it comes to roommates, why fix a relationship that’s already broken when you can chase them away and have the whole place to yourself? Be yourself and let their address change, not your attitude.  Stop letting your toxic roommate take up your precious energy — instead, drain theirs. 

words_caleigh russo. photo_ethan dosa. design_sal puma.

This article was published in Distraction’s Spring 2025 print issue.

Follow our Social Media:

Instagram  TikTok  Facebook  LinkedIn