Ladies, prepare to kiss your tired ab classes goodbye. Guys, escape the monotony of dead lifts and bicep curls. And together, embrace the ultimate embodiment of school pride and the most sinfully decadent workout you’ll ever have – UM’s very own sex position. Don’t get too revved up just yet. First, heed to these essential tips.

1.) We rate this hot and bothered position four out of five habanero chilies for its required skill and effort level; it is not for the lazy or faint of heart. Girls, lean into a “U” and guys, bend into an “M.”

2.) Location, location, location. The prison-inspired, squeaky dorm beds might not be the optimal place to try this one out. Dust off that yoga mat and explore the smoother reaches of your room where the thrill of dangerous momentum won’t be uncomfortable. Or, if you happen to be one of the lucky few with a luxurious spa bath, maybe rub-a-dub-dub – two sexy students in the tub.

3.) Noise factor: if done properly, this oh-so-indulgent activity will angle for the sweetest note (G of course!) and a symphony of pleasure will ring. It’s best when your roommates are far, far away.

4.) Who’s the lucky one tonight? This challenge is just what the sex doctor ordered for you eternal lovebirds with a deep thirst for continuing education. Keep the romance in your relationship alive and thrusting.

5.) Bottom line: get kinky. Don’t forget your allegiance to your alma mater next time Marvin Gaye lures you into the bedroom.