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A Throne Fit For a ’Cane

When nature is calling, or even yelling, you have to make a tough call quickly. For our brave soldiers out there fighting the good fight, we here at Distraction have made a quick list of the best places to resolve your… unfinished business.

First Floor Stanford Lobby

For the freshmen out there, we know that times get tough and sometimes you can’t wait for that pesky dorm elevator. Luckily, there’s a bathroom in the back of the Stanford lobby near the study rooms. Not only is it a peaceful spot in comparison to the communal bathrooms, but it’s somewhat tucked away. Not many know about this hidden gem. So, if you find the dining hall food is not agreeing with you, use this bathroom instead of taking a chance on the elevator.

The Stacks

During midterm and final seasons, it’s a common practice to post up in one location, only moving for the essentials. Unfortunately, when all the Starbucks and RedBull catches up to you, you may only have a split second to find that magical bathroom close to your study space. So, if you’re somebody with an angry stomach and the urge to maintain a 4.0 GPA, the stacks offer all you seek. Not only are the Stacks a great place for a quiet study, but their bathrooms are unisex and single stall, so you have the place to yourself.

For some examples of what not to do, Instagram account @umbathrooms is the perfect place. But warning: it gets graphic.

Third Floor Shalala Student Center

The Shalala student center is a sleeper agent, and it has what are arguably some of the best bathrooms on campus. Shalala’s location makes it a central building on campus,
so it’s not a far walk in case of emergency. On its third floor, tucked in the back of a long hallway, sits an oasis. Plus, since it is frequently used for events from student organizations and faculty, the building is cleaned frequently. We recommend making the obscure third floor Shalala bathroom a prime spot for whatever sticky situation you find yourself in.

Knight Physics Bathroom

Unless you’re a student of physics or someone with a LOT of free time to roam around campus, you might not be familiar with the Knight Physics building. This building is on the edge of campus near the arboretum, and due to its hidden nature, it’s pretty empty. So, if you find yourself needing a bathroom on this part of campus, wanting to spend some alone time on the porcelain throne, this is a great option.

Lakeside Public Bathrooms

Did you know that Lakeside Village has a few public bathrooms scattered about? Neither do a lot of other people but that’s what makes them great! They have them in between the UPS store and the indoor rock-climbing, and behind Daybreak. Perfect for a quick and peaceful pitstop when you’re walking across campus.

words_sal puma. design_matt jiménez.

This article was published in Distraction’s Fall 2022 print issue.

 

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